YOU on a Diet!!!!

Now that I've caught you up on the fun stuff.... here comes a harder note, and with this comes a lot of venting... so make yourself comfortable. I'll try to make this as short as possible (but that won't happen)....

So I woke up this morning and the first thought in my head was, "what can I even fit into today" ... not, "what am I gonna wear".... cause that would just be too easy. But what in my closet could I actually wear to work that will be appropriate and I won't lose a button during the day.

Such a depressing question to have to ask yourself.

Alright, so let me take you down my little meandering road of weight real quick. I've danced all my life, right? So I have never been the skin and bones lil girl ever, just hasn't been me... I got the hips, I got the curvy figure and the big thighs and calves... just how it goes when you're a dancer. Even at my smallest, I'm still "thick". In Junior High and early High School had a little bit of an eating disorder, which to this day don't know how I did it or why cause I was a healthy girl. After High School, I went on to try out for the world famous Rangerettes.... which is an AMAZING dance team. I mean, I have danced all my life and taught dance, it was just my thing. I truly did breath it and live it and I felt it in my body and I was good at it. After a week of strenuous emotional and physical try outs, I was turned down. WHY? I know there were girls that made it that didn't kick higher, have better rhythm, lines, etc.... Come to find out when I got my scores in the mail later, I had amazing scores, but at the top right corner was carefully written in cursive "Your showmanship and dancing is amazing, kicks are great, but you MUST lose 20 pounds!" ........ ummmmm I was 136... I'd die if I got down to 115. Plus, training with them I would have toned up, no problem and MAYBE lose 10. So there it was, the one that I had a passion for and was really good at, kicked to the ground... First failure in my whole life...

So since then, I have gone up and down several times, done everything you could imagine from Quick Weight Loss Program (which I got back down to 134 and then just went nuts).... the Cabbage Soup diet, signed up for numerous gym memberships, weight loss pills (stupidly)... just anything and everything. I know EVERYTHING there is to eating right and working out. But with me, it's always feast or famine. The second I mess up on a diet, I let myself down and go crazy over the first tub of ice cream I see and start planning my next meal of how yummy it will be. It's such a shameful and guilty feeling and it stinks. It was like a big neverending circle of being depressed, eating, depressed cause you ate... blah blah blah blah.... Thankfully, Noel has taught me to see that I'm still a sexy beast... hehehe.... and to love my body more than I ever did before. Now, I guess it is more of an annoyance than it is completely depressing for me, but there's still those moments. I just hate being sooooooooooooo self consious!

Well, this is the week for the gears to be put into motion!!!!!

I've been reading this book that I actually started last week and am already on pg. 200.... it is called "YOU on a Diet: The Guide to Waist Management".... by Dr. Oz, who is always on Oprah. The book is absolutely amazing and I love it. It breaks down how your body works from the chemicals that tell you that you're hungry and full, to how food breaks down in your system... just everything from a science perspective, almost just understanding your body. What is the best part about the book is how yo-yo dieting is so bad for you and dieting period is just not good, simply because of those times you want that one piece of garlic bread and everything goes to hell in a handbasket after you have some. It teaches you how fat effects your whole body and health. Just everything it talks about, I really haven't thought about.... mainly because its from a scientist's perspective, which makes it great!................... So I was just reading this chapter about the emotions of why one puts on so much weight which really got me thinking. It talked about how we almost use weight as a cover up, to hide, for an excuse... to not go out, to not climb the stairs, to not have to become a failure..... AND THEN IT HIT ME! This craziness happened after I failed the one thing that meant the most to me and it was the first time ever.... so maybe did I put on this weight to create an impossibility to dance and create an excuse instead of it actually being me? I mean, it makes total sense of what triggered it all. Then add horribly bad relationships and self image and doubt ontop of that.... BOOM, there's all that explanation of the James Coney cheese fries and Marble Slab trips.

I mean here I am 5' 4" and I know I weigh more than my 6'2" 30 yr old brother. I gotta get over this and it starts today.... not a diet or any kind of goal weight. Just a range to get down to with no set timeline. And the best thing about the book, it shows you that a woman's waist should be an avg of 32 1/2" and health risks increase after 37" .... nothing about "this is your weight range for this height".... I am going to make it my goal to not get on a scale for 6 months, and just worry about my measurements once a month. (That was also another downfall I would have, I would get on a scale compulsively... which in turn if I gained one pound, there went all my positive thoughts and willpower) So here it goes, my Christmas present to myself, to be healthy by Christmas, to not be self-consious in everything I do, to be able to dance again! Wish me luck and if you're around me ... don't order a damn queso!!!!

Time to Catch Up....

Well, it's been quite a while... I think I completely avoided the site for a while after I got so frusturated with my layout, but whatever I'll figure it out one day..... In the meantime here is what has been going on.....

I feel like this whole year is already going by so fast!!! My friend, Sara, already had her wedding which I was so scared I wasn't going to fit into the bridesmaid dress (cause I'm a genius and thought I would be 110% motivated to lose like 40 pounds so I ordered it small)..... well, it did kiiiiinda work out..... except I completely didn't take my bust into consideration. I should've known the girls (Thelma & Louise, cause they obviously get me into trouble and can be a pain!) weren't going anywhere anytime soon. Long story short... I ended up Duct Taping them down so I wouldn't be sacreligous at a wedding ceremony! I have officially learned my lesson that I will order the size I am! And the next strapless dress that somebody suggests (including myself)... I'll raise my hand to point out the slight problem...... Other than that, the wedding was great and everyone had such a good time! With how much went into the wedding, it's nice to see how amazing it all turned out! I am so glad I got to get ready with my girls all day..... Sara's Grammy entertained the hell outta me.... "OH GOSH girls! It sure is windy out there!!!! This is NOT good!".... you would've thought a hurricane was coming... lol.... it was a beautiful day!

Lyndsay and I at the Rehearsal Dinner! Love this girl!!!!!

Here's the new friend of the week, Grace Meeker. She is such a funny kick back gal and I'm so glad that Sara introduced her to all of us! She fit in the bunch perfectly!

Me waiting patiently at the church.... notice how I'm holding the girls up, trying to look appropriate!

All the bridesmaids in the limo...

An amazing picture of Noel and I, thanks to Lyndsay.... such a sweet man!

The Happy Couple, Sara and Randy Hilliard, cutting their cake!

Ughhhhhh....

I am getting so annoyed and confused at the same time with this whole Blog layout business!!! All I want to do is rearrange stuff and basically build my layout exactly how I want it... is that too much to ask??? Like why can't I get my About me stuff over on the side along with everything else.... I just want my blogs in the middle and thats it! I want tidbits and pics on the left hand side.... and then links and every other thing on the right.... WHYYYYYYY?!?!?!?! They seriously need a website where you can build your background whatever way you want.... adjust your margins however..... rearrange stuff simply..... and then click to get an HTML code.... so easy...

Am I waaaaaay too smart that nobody has ever thought of this?
Or am I waaaaaaay too ignorant and its already some program that I don't even know about?

And NO, I don't want to pay anyone to do it, I wanna do it.... like scrap book style and everything.... geez.... can't wait til I get all this down! I have a feeling I'm going to find myself buying some "Blogging for Dummies" book tonight or in the mix of the "decoding HTML" section at the bookstore! Anyone .... HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!

Lil ole me!

So here I am.... new to the "blogging" world. My friend, Lyndsay is just going to diiiiiie when she sees that I am becoming a part of this community.... lol... Part of me thinks, I really don't have much to say, but then again if you knew me.... you would know better. It's kind of an uneasy feeling getting into this... What do I say? Is anyone really gonna read this? How do I even start this off? So I guess I can just start with some lovely tidbits about myself...



I am a down to earth girl who likes to have a good time and meet new people. I have been brought up with southern hospitality and charm.... but I'll choose when I want to use that charm... haha. I'm pretty simple, but at the same time complex.... I have many sides of me that all add up to this random cooky girl.... I wear my heart on my sleeve and believe that everything will always turn out for the best. I am one of the guys who can sit around drink beer and go hunting, yet I love to be with my girls having a margarita and getting my toes done. I grew up a dancer and love dancing, hence the title of the blog, but I miss it dearly. Dancing, Laughter and Disney movies are true forms of therapy in my world... lol. I am definitly a free spirited hippie that could run around barefoot all day. I guess if I were to compare myself to a celebrity I would be a mixture of Drew Barrymore, Kate Hudson, and Reese Witherspoon...

I have finally found my prince charming who has mended my once broken heart and showed me more than I could imagine... He is definitely the reason for the smile on my face and I look forward to the future with him. He really is amazing and I truly believe all the bs I went through was so I would simply know how to appreciate him and know... "hell yes, I deserve him"... hahaha.

My friends are also a big part of my life. I love them and would do anything for them... (even crash diet and be miserable for a week to be in their wedding...haha jk S).... I really don't know where I would be without them, they have truly been my backbone at times. "True friendship is a gift" and is something that shouldn't be taken for granted. The best thing about all my friends, is that they are all so different, some so opinionated while others just go with the flow, some I have been friends with since I was 5 and others since I was 20.

I've been through alot but I've learned even more. I've learned that my family will always be there through anything and will always believe in me..... I've learned that you have to be happy with who you are and trust yourself before you can truly be happy with anyone else. Im a firm believer in second chances and tryin your best to forgive and forget. People make mistakes and life goes on. My life is an open book, so if you wanna know more just ask me. I've got nothing to hide and the whole world to give!!